woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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