Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
