Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
