is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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