Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
