If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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