She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
