after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
