Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
