Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
