So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
