So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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