i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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