I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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