I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
