SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
