Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Drunk is not a location!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
