Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
