he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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