She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
