it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
