So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
