You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
