Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
