the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
