I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
