She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
