My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
