I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
