There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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