shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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