names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
