that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
