Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
