I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
