I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
