He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
are you so shy because you have an std?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she looked like the before picture.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
