That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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