I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
