I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
