They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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