Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
