Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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