Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
