Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
