I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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