There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
