ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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