The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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