It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
